Why Cross?

WHY DID THE ZOMPOPO CROSS THE ROAD?  This question has haunted humanity for centuries, and many a great character, WHEN ASKED, offered up an answer. Here is a chronological account of some of the offered opinions:




623 - 543 (BC)


(Siddhartha Gautama)

If you ask this question, you deny your own Zompopo nature.

490 – 430 (BC)

Zeno of Elea

To prove it could never reach the other side.

470 – 410 (BC)

Hippocrates of Chios

Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

427 – 347 (BC)


(Aristocles of Athens)

For the greater good.

384 – 322 (BC)

Aristotle of Stageira

To actualize its potential.

c360 – c270 (BC)

  Pyrrho of Elis

“Pyrrho the Skeptic”

What road?

341 – 270 (BC)

Epicurus of Samos

For fun.

c1343 – 1400

Geoffrey Chaucer

So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

1420 - 1498

Tomαs de Torquemada

Give me ten minutes with the Zompopo and I'll find out.

1469 – 1527

Niccolς Machiavelli

“The Prince”

So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a Zompopo which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of entomical virtue? In such a manner is the princely Zompopo's dominion maintained.

1572 – 1631

John Donne

It crosseth for thee.

1667 – 1745

Jonathan Swift

It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

1711 – 1776

David Hume

Out of custom and habit.

1709 – 1784

Dr. Samuel Johnson

Sir, had you known the Zompopo for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

1749 – 1832

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The eternal Zen-principle made it do it.

1817 – 1862

Henry David Thoreau

To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life while holding a pencil to write about it.

1803 – 1882

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

1809 – 1882

Charles Robert Darwin

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.


Karl Marx

It was a historical inevitability.

1830 – 1886

Emily Elizabeth Dickinson

Because it could not stop for death.

1844 – 1900

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

1835 – 1910

Mark Twain

(Samuel Langhorne Clemens)

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

1854 – 1900

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde

Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the Zompopo in question.

1856 - 1939

Sigmund Freud

Innately, young Zompopos seem to have little true realistic anxiety. They will run along the brink of water, climb on the window sill, play with sharp objects and with fire, in short, do everything that is bound to damage them and to worry those in charge of them, that is wholly the result of education; for they cannot be allowed to make the instructive experiences themselves.

1861 – 1947

Alfred North Whitehead

Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.

1875 – 1961

Carl Gustav Jung

The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual Zompopos cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

1879 – 1955

Albert Einstein

Whether the Zompopo crossed the road or the road crossed the Zompopo depends upon your frame of reference.

1883 – 1924

Franz Kafka

You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.  And one morning you might awake not yourself. Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.  Perhaps the Zompopo, as any salesman would, did just that.

1889 – 1951

Ludwig Josef Johann Wittgenstein

The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "Zompopo" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

1901 – 1976

Werner Karl Heisenberg

We are not sure which side of the road the Zompopo was on, but it was moving very fast.

1905 – 1980

Jean-Paul Charles Aymard Sartre

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the Zompopo found it necessary to cross the road.

1904 – 1990

Burrhus Frederic Skinner

Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

1911 – 2004

Ronald Wilson Reagan

I forget.

1912 – 2005

Mary Alexander "Molly" Yard

It was a female Zompopo!

1918 – 1995

Howard Cosell

(born Howard William Cohen)

It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapiens pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

1920 –1996

Timothy Francis Leary

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

1930 –2004

Jacques Derrida

Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the Zompopo crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

b.1943 -

Oliver Laurence North

National Security was at stake.